What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
