I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
He had one of those small greek statue penises
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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