So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I have already put on my inside pants.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
