Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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