remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
