I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
