please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
dude i'm inner monologue high
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize