I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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