He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
