i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
