Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
