i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
