Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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