Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
