I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
