That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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