Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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