i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
