is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
