I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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