I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
