Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize