I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Drunk walkin through police station. America
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
