sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
