My nipple is on Facebook.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
