dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
