i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
