I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
