We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
