well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize