After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
