I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
