JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
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