I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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