Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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