she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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