We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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