so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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