I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
