So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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