Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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