Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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