She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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