I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
