Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
