No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
