i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
So. Much. Porn.
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