The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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