i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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