don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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