in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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