I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
