Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
