I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
