Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
