A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
