it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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