I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
