i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
