dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
