Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
