I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Randomize
