Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
