It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
