You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I don't deserve a penis
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
as a side note pls kill me
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
