Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
