there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
