So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
