I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
