I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize