Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
