I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
