I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
