I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
