i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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