I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
