it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
