Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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