they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
