Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Randomize
