Just fell off a train. Bad.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
