If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
