fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
