he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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