it's not cheating when I paid for it
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
