I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
