My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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