Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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