listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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