I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
