He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize