She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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