i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
