4 words: hood of his car
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
