i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
