I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
