I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
