Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
