Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
