Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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