i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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