I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
