Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
