We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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